Progress, or not?

May 6th, 11:30 AM.  Have finally found my way into the zone (drawing) and have begun the real work on a portrait of Pope Francis.  If I don't stop now I'm gonna get a headache.  Did I say it was hard to begin, to find the frame of mind and spirit?  Well, it's also hard to stop once you're there.  Little details  everywhere call at you to tinker with them, perfect them, make them right.  That can be a huge problem when you've stopped seeing the shapes as they are again.  I'm working his collar, shirt buttons, pectoral cross, and chain.  Haven't gotten very few, you'd think, for several roughly two three (now) hours work.

Ah, Buddy's here anyway!

8" x 10", desaturated because the lighting adds blue.  Object is to make prints as Oswego is a hugely Catholic town.  Scott wants one, maybe some of his friends would like some.   I wonder if Dana would want one of these.

(5 hours)

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Did more refining of details yet to be drawn...spent a lot of time on the phone yesterday, on hold, so I spent it staring at the reference pic and sorting out details.  I need to work the eyes some, refine the size and spacing.  They're not right yet.  I've said before I usually start with the eyes...well, if I do the lead-heavy areas first I risk smudging when I do the rest.  Trying to work myself into the drawing again this morning, three areas that should be easy to transition into.  Yesterday came easy, today I have to force it.  I should be able to sell a few prints, and that's income - urgently needed.  Must stay on it every day.  I'll have Scott show it to the people in the gift shop at The Grotto when it's  done, maybe they'll be interested.

Jesseca's had an idea for a larger piece that I'll work on after this.  Needs one of the larger tablets Lore hasn't sent yet.  No word on the money coming through from the estate yet except that some of the bills were overpaid and a refund is expected.  I hope it won't be long.  My cash is almost gone and I want to pay Brian and Jesseca.  Also need to be able to buy some necessities.

I've filled out applications for work, hoping I'll get a bit.  Applied for assistance, have an appointment for a work assessment interview tomorrow.  All this shit is scary to me - fears of being able to carry out and keep a job, social phobias about people in general, transportation issues - and the more nervous I get the more clumsy and awkward.  It's getting on Jesseca's nerves.  So is just being here, she has discovered that she really needs her alone-time and that means having the house to herself.  She's afraid I want to be a permanent "guest".   I can't do anything but try to sense her mood and try to stay out of her way.  If DSS approves me, they still won't help for a month and a half, and I'm not sure Jesseca can tolerate that.  There's a place near here that houses men who need a placer to stay.  I haven't talked to them yet, and had better not count on them, but it would likely be ideal...not sure what that means for the stuff I have in storage.  Anyway, I'm trying to keep a poker face on for Jesseca but I see her friendship slipping away  and that saddens (alot) and scares me.  With Scott she's the best friend I have ans someone I care deeply about.  There are times I sense she can't stand the sight of me.  She's an extraordinarily empathic person given the space to step back and be so...our uninterrupted proximity doesn't give her that space.