No images to show, no way to take pics of them even if I did. Still dealing with other things. Jesseca wants to start sending some of my stuff back soon. With luck I will be in a position to draw again soon.
(Several days ago) Feeling despondent. Thurisaz still rules. The way my life hits an upheaval every few weeks now has left me feeling there is noiwhere I belong.
No dreams of Dana, though my sleep is erratic and often interrupted so dreams don't stay with me anyway. What I recall of them is filled with losing my way, of people unfriendly or indifferent.
Babygirl, poor thing, climbed onto me this morning as I lay on my back, she lowered her face to mine, sneezed in it, then turned and left. Her idea of a wake-up call I guess. Abby is still wary, as is Charlie (Abby is hanging out with me right now). Chance took a chance and sat in my lap yesterday. If I didn't mention it before, these are all formerly abused cats. They don't give their trust easily.
I finally have the drawing for Scott in my hands again, a workplace set up, the reference pics, and the pencils. oiw if I can keep the cats out so they don't leap up on the tablet, I can get to it. Unhappy surprise, the nearly-finished drawing of Sharon Mitchell got a crease in it - I have to start over if I want it (I do, it was really good).
@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@
A day or so after my previous post I had a hypnagogic flash, an image of text that read "I can't". No explanation but a clue: the text was a puffy, thick white like clouds or wool. Okay, so it didn't feel psychic, just made up in my head, but... "I can't" is explicitly an answer to a request, and there was a clue who it pointed toward. 'White smoke' and 'white sweater' allude to the previous post. White sweater is the image of Mina, the message is an answer to a request, as I asked of Dana.
So, what can't she do? Specifically talk of the rift between us or why it happened, or just talk to me at all? Dana doesn't have to tell me what happened, she doesn't have to speak of it at all to talk with me to be a friend again.
Just talk? Yes you can. Dana, yes you can. <3 You already did nine months ago. You can do it again. If it's a block, I'll get that. Try to let me know somehow, have someone tell me. I've been there, the three years after Franklin I couldn't write to you. I felt so bad about it that it made the block worse. I didn't understand it and didn't know how to explain it, so I didn't know how to apologize. It took understanding about depression and forgiving myself for it to undo the block. Only when I felt I could face the possibility of you not forgiving me could I write to you.
Those were a good three months while they lasted. I was happy, and I think you were too.
@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@
I'm being pressed to give up even more of my stuff. The house payment is going to be delayed yet further, it's turned into a fiasco. We got the way-wrong estate agent. If I had a hundred a month I could get one of the garages here to store things in. A hundred a month, I should be able to do at least that much easily with my drawings, How do I market my services? Fuck me, I need a life manager.
I'm going to talk to someone at PCC about getting money for classes. I have a skill that I enjoy and am good at and I damn well want to to make my living from it. I do NOT want to be stocking shelves to just get by. I'm fucking sick of just getting by, of not having anything stable.
No comments:
Post a Comment