No images to show, no way to take pics of them even if I did. Still dealing with other things. Jesseca wants to start sending some of my stuff back soon. With luck I will be in a position to draw again soon.
(Several days ago) Feeling despondent. Thurisaz still rules. The way my life hits an upheaval every few weeks now has left me feeling there is noiwhere I belong.
No dreams of Dana, though my sleep is erratic and often interrupted so dreams don't stay with me anyway. What I recall of them is filled with losing my way, of people unfriendly or indifferent.
Babygirl, poor thing, climbed onto me this morning as I lay on my back, she lowered her face to mine, sneezed in it, then turned and left. Her idea of a wake-up call I guess. Abby is still wary, as is Charlie (Abby is hanging out with me right now). Chance took a chance and sat in my lap yesterday. If I didn't mention it before, these are all formerly abused cats. They don't give their trust easily.
I finally have the drawing for Scott in my hands again, a workplace set up, the reference pics, and the pencils. oiw if I can keep the cats out so they don't leap up on the tablet, I can get to it. Unhappy surprise, the nearly-finished drawing of Sharon Mitchell got a crease in it - I have to start over if I want it (I do, it was really good).
@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@
A day or so after my previous post I had a hypnagogic flash, an image of text that read "I can't". No explanation but a clue: the text was a puffy, thick white like clouds or wool. Okay, so it didn't feel psychic, just made up in my head, but... "I can't" is explicitly an answer to a request, and there was a clue who it pointed toward. 'White smoke' and 'white sweater' allude to the previous post. White sweater is the image of Mina, the message is an answer to a request, as I asked of Dana.
So, what can't she do? Specifically talk of the rift between us or why it happened, or just talk to me at all? Dana doesn't have to tell me what happened, she doesn't have to speak of it at all to talk with me to be a friend again.
Just talk? Yes you can. Dana, yes you can. <3 You already did nine months ago. You can do it again. If it's a block, I'll get that. Try to let me know somehow, have someone tell me. I've been there, the three years after Franklin I couldn't write to you. I felt so bad about it that it made the block worse. I didn't understand it and didn't know how to explain it, so I didn't know how to apologize. It took understanding about depression and forgiving myself for it to undo the block. Only when I felt I could face the possibility of you not forgiving me could I write to you.
Those were a good three months while they lasted. I was happy, and I think you were too.
@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@v@
I'm being pressed to give up even more of my stuff. The house payment is going to be delayed yet further, it's turned into a fiasco. We got the way-wrong estate agent. If I had a hundred a month I could get one of the garages here to store things in. A hundred a month, I should be able to do at least that much easily with my drawings, How do I market my services? Fuck me, I need a life manager.
I'm going to talk to someone at PCC about getting money for classes. I have a skill that I enjoy and am good at and I damn well want to to make my living from it. I do NOT want to be stocking shelves to just get by. I'm fucking sick of just getting by, of not having anything stable.
Saturday, June 9, 2018
Monday, June 4, 2018
Mina Pose
Poor Bailey. In human years he's 80, has a bad back, and stomach problems. He likes me, I've been giving him comfort. Never had a cat groom my scalp before.
Charlie sat on the couch with me awhile, until today he was terrified of the new person staying here (not McMinnville, Beaverton - must be one of my nieces in McMinnville) and remained out of sight. Babygirl is under my table as I type, she has chronic nasal problems and allergies, She's not doing well tonight either.
. Chance was more distant today than yesterday.
Taken with my other computer, because my camera isn't here. That's the pose want for Mina. I haven't checked it against actual photos of Dana, ad I won't - it means intruding on her FB page. I'll have to go with the same hair color I used for the image of her eye and the ladybug, I searched for redheads and chose a few to copy that matched the impression left when I did look in 9 months ago. Jesus, Dana, 9 months. : ( I'm sure her hair doesn't fall like that but it doesn't matter, she changes it now and then anyway. I'm likely to have it hang down before her shoulders as sketched just so that there's more of it in the final painting, Haven't fully decided yet. I'll do some image searches on long hair. Undecided on a necklace - I'd want a pendant, and I'd want it to hold some meaning. Oh, I was thinking of pearls before, wasn't I? Not because they hold any personal symbolic value but for the color. Hmm. Okay, I'll give that some thought. I'm thinking the moon would be over her right shoulder but it doesn't have to be.
See, that sketch hews close to my usual more realistic style. No danger of copying Chagall on that count. OTOH, I still would like to move in a less realistic direction. It's difficult to break an ingrained thought process. I can try that in sketches but I'm not yet confident to try it in a finished work.
Oh, while I was sitting outside on nightwatch duty at the compound (coyotes singing), I was watching the glow surrounding the moon. It changed size depending how full the sky was around it...but small or wide, it ended in a dull orange or red circle. So I'm going to want to do a sketch like that for Mina and the Moon. It would echo her hair color without duplicating, and it might tie the elements together better. If it works. We'll see, but I like the idea.
Oh! I was watching local news tonight and saw a young police officer by the name of Chris Burley! Not Kris, as in Kristina, but as in Christopher. I wonder if it's a coincidence or if he's related to Kris.
Charlie sat on the couch with me awhile, until today he was terrified of the new person staying here (not McMinnville, Beaverton - must be one of my nieces in McMinnville) and remained out of sight. Babygirl is under my table as I type, she has chronic nasal problems and allergies, She's not doing well tonight either.
. Chance was more distant today than yesterday.
Taken with my other computer, because my camera isn't here. That's the pose want for Mina. I haven't checked it against actual photos of Dana, ad I won't - it means intruding on her FB page. I'll have to go with the same hair color I used for the image of her eye and the ladybug, I searched for redheads and chose a few to copy that matched the impression left when I did look in 9 months ago. Jesus, Dana, 9 months. : ( I'm sure her hair doesn't fall like that but it doesn't matter, she changes it now and then anyway. I'm likely to have it hang down before her shoulders as sketched just so that there's more of it in the final painting, Haven't fully decided yet. I'll do some image searches on long hair. Undecided on a necklace - I'd want a pendant, and I'd want it to hold some meaning. Oh, I was thinking of pearls before, wasn't I? Not because they hold any personal symbolic value but for the color. Hmm. Okay, I'll give that some thought. I'm thinking the moon would be over her right shoulder but it doesn't have to be.
See, that sketch hews close to my usual more realistic style. No danger of copying Chagall on that count. OTOH, I still would like to move in a less realistic direction. It's difficult to break an ingrained thought process. I can try that in sketches but I'm not yet confident to try it in a finished work.
Click to enlarge that.
Oh, while I was sitting outside on nightwatch duty at the compound (coyotes singing), I was watching the glow surrounding the moon. It changed size depending how full the sky was around it...but small or wide, it ended in a dull orange or red circle. So I'm going to want to do a sketch like that for Mina and the Moon. It would echo her hair color without duplicating, and it might tie the elements together better. If it works. We'll see, but I like the idea.
Oh! I was watching local news tonight and saw a young police officer by the name of Chris Burley! Not Kris, as in Kristina, but as in Christopher. I wonder if it's a coincidence or if he's related to Kris.
Sunday, June 3, 2018
Dana; Wrong Turn; Smoke Signals
Dana, I forgive you. If that's what you need, I forgive you. I don't know what it is I'm forgiving you for except for hurting me, because I don't know your story. What little I think I know never needed forgiving, though I doubt you feel that way. For all I know maybe you think it's me who needs forgiving. In which case, Dana, I'm sorry.
Whatever it is you're afraid of me learning, I've already imagined it or seen it in dreams. ANd Isympathized, because it was part of me too.
I believe you still care for me as a friend and want to be at peace with me. Letting you go is never going to mean putting you out of my heart. You'll still be here every minute. I will never turn you away if you choose to reach out. Turn my way, see that my arms are always open to you. I'm your friend, and fiercely loyal.
Please be looking. I have not sensed your presence is such a long time.
<{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}>
May 23rd. I have had no internet access for a week and will have none for another week and a half. I have taken a major wrong turn and landed in a place that was not designed to be exited. I have no choice now but to return home to Oregon. I feel I have let down Jesseca and Brian and all their efforts to make New York work. I've heard that Jesseca feels bad too - I've not been in touch with her except through Scott and my niece Lore. Phone service here is spotty.
I have nothing in my account with which to use my debit card on the trip home, so I hope I won't have to. I'll have a little cash, as long as cash is accepted. No meals on the plane then! Maybe something at the airport? Hope so. Then I'll have to find money for Jesseca to send my stuff back, there's more than I can take on the plane. I hope I get a chance to grab some of what's at her house. I shall have to leave to Pope Francis image behind lest it become damaged in my bags. Damn, have to figure out my art supplies, probably leave that masonite in NY and I still never even got it gessoed.
My first night here was despondent. This is a place for men who have resigned themselves to having nowhere else to go. No, maybe that's presumptuous, I haven't spoken to many of them, and some do leave...but i don't know how. The plan was for me to stay here until DSS came through and I got a job, after which HUD would help me pay for a place to stay. I needed to check this place out first but they had an opening right away and I had to take it. Well, you can't get DSS if you're here. If you get a job you keep half your income - [you have to be out within thirty days, without having had the chance to build up any money to move out on. You can't apply for jobs online and we're located well away from anywhere (there is a bus but it's a journey). Essentially, you can't get a job if you're here and you can't leave if you don't have a job. Catch 22. The only thing I could do was reach out to my niece Lore. I have a plane ticket home on Saturday June 2nd. So I've wasted my own money, what little I had (gone), wasted Jesseca and Brian's money, wasted two months, and canceled my OHP and SNAP. If anything good did come out of this, I am blind as to what it might have been.
Ralph, my dorm-mate, has pointed me in the direction of a rather profound book, 'The Spirituality of Imperfection' by Ernest Kurtz and Katherine Ketcham, centered on the guiding principles of Alcoholics Anonymous. As I've mentioned before, I'm an atheist - I just don't have a sense that there's someone there. It doesn't add up with what I've seen in life. I'm open to possibilities, my life is still moving forward. I'd never been interested in AA enough to consider them, having put off by their well-known insistence on reliance on a higher power. What I've found is that (a) you don't need to hold a particular faith to find value in their precepts, and (b) you don't have to be an alcoholic either to find their approach to life a fundamentally healthy and helpful one. It's basically a primer on being human. The book sets forth an approach to life that I find is akin to the way have always tried to approach life - er, mostly, anyway, and in some cases unsuccessfully. It's that lack of success the book addresses...accepting that none of us are perfect, that life isn't something one masters but encounters on an ever unfolding basis. It is how we deal with those encounters that matter. It's not a test we pass or fail. It is ongoing. Spirituality (if you will) comes day by day. There is always something new. I know that Dana is interested in the bible. For me, for this point in m y life, that's way too specific for me. I don't want to get hung up on a faith whose central points are in conflict with my own beliefs (particularly on matters sexual and gender). For now I am content to see myself as spiritual. Given what I've seen of life, I can't say I particularly want to believe in a God. Many of His followers struggle with Him, and right now I can't see the comfort in that belief.
Naturally, I couldn't read the book without seeing myself reflected in it at points. My faults, the things that block me from moving forward (which seem unrelated to my grief over the loss of Dana's friendship). My addiction would be complacency and comfort. Maybe TV and movies, except that I'd love to utilize that somehow to make money - reviews, could I do that? Letting go of Dana doesn't seem to mean an end to feeling heartbroken, which a first surface reading of this book seems to confirm. I'll have to buy a copy for myself to re-read before the finer points sink in.
One of the fundamentals is telling one's stories, and listening. Ralph and I have been doing that. I've told the story of Dana before, just never to anyone who knows her. I never realized until now, I've also never told that story in person before, by mouth. I couldn't do it without crying.
Of Ralph, I'll only say that he's a good and decent man who endures. The rest is of course confidential.
You may recall that I drew the thorn rune at Easter (drawn on an Easter egg - color the egg to reveal the rune randomly drawn). Keep my head down, I am under the sign of chaos. Well, that hasn't ended yet. I had been wanting to ask Jesseca for a Tarot reading when I felt the time was right, and I was watching for that egg to leave her refrigerator. It never did. I wasn't going to eat it for superstitious reasons (also the only way I like eggs is scrambled, but I hate to see food go to waste). Turns out jesseca felt the same way. So when she deviled her and Brian's eggs, she wasn't about to internalize chaos. She handed it to me the day I came here and suggested I fling it as far from me as I could. I did, but the chaos has merely intensified. I won't be able to get my Tarot reading. The last (which was also my first) foretold my future as 'life in suspension', which it has been ever since. That was fresh out of high school.
I had hoped to discover more artistically with Jesseca, like helping her build a kiln we could both use. I also wanted to make my cashew butter pie for her heathen gathering. There's not going to be any kiln in Portland (or Hillsboro, which is where I'll be for the foreseeable future).
My life scares me. I genuinely wish it was over. But as I'm not going to kill myself, There's no way I'm sitting out my days where I am as i type this. That wasn't the plan, it's not what Jesseca brought me here for, and my very being rails against agreeing to give up in this particular fashion. It's get out of give up. New York didn't feel like home even if I might have made a better inroad with my art here. Hope I can find an audience on Etsy. Dammit, I wanted to produce enough drawings to try the gallery in Oswego.
<{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}>
June 3rd. I am home - sort of - in McMinnville Oregon as of early this morning. Still unpacking, still unwinding and settling in. Too tired to review and revise anything 've written above. Some of my stuff, including the Francis drawing and some art supplies/tablets are still in NY.
We have a white smoke sighting. Bob Walsh at the place I just left scanned the drawing for me and adjusted it in PhotoShop.
Funny, I've been surrounded by cats everywhere I go since I lost the house. They all take a liking to me, though, which is gratifying. I'm back now with Abby, Babygirl, Bailey, Chance, and Charlie They were all wary of me before but for Bailey. I've never had a cat groom my scalp before, Abby used to be afraid of me but is hanging around a lot and is starting to let me pet her. Only Charllie keeps his distance now.
Oh - my camera is in NY. The laptop I have with me doesn't take shots ads far as I've been able to figure out. Oh, well, anyway, I've worked out the pose for Mina. She will be walking forward, head up, engaging the viewer. Hand held forward. All that is important per attitude, exactly what Iwanted. I'd intended her raised hand to be more to the side, but it needs to at least somewhat follow her gaze...I want her engaging with thew fireflies, but with the audience as well. So. Still need to do a search on women in turtleneck sweaters.
Funny, I'd wanted to do a larger masonite board but out of impatience settled for the smaller one - and never even got it gessoed. Now it's back in NY untouched. Like, I got swatted down for rushing it? I've been wanting to do this for over half a year now!! Very little money left, will need it for food and clothing. No knowing how soon I can buy a board, gesso, and maybe some higher-quality artists crayons. Must ask Jesseca which kind she used on a couple of really vibrant pieces if her own I saw. For that matter, I have no paints to use either. I still want enamels rather than acrylics, though it will be more expensive and without the variety the image needs.
Kathy has a small print of Van Gogh irises which i put on the wall for inspiration. I've got a fitting Chagall image as my desktop image.
Eyes are going shut. I'm still on NY time, and it's nearly midnight there.
Whatever it is you're afraid of me learning, I've already imagined it or seen it in dreams. ANd Isympathized, because it was part of me too.
I believe you still care for me as a friend and want to be at peace with me. Letting you go is never going to mean putting you out of my heart. You'll still be here every minute. I will never turn you away if you choose to reach out. Turn my way, see that my arms are always open to you. I'm your friend, and fiercely loyal.
Please be looking. I have not sensed your presence is such a long time.
<{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}>
May 23rd. I have had no internet access for a week and will have none for another week and a half. I have taken a major wrong turn and landed in a place that was not designed to be exited. I have no choice now but to return home to Oregon. I feel I have let down Jesseca and Brian and all their efforts to make New York work. I've heard that Jesseca feels bad too - I've not been in touch with her except through Scott and my niece Lore. Phone service here is spotty.
I have nothing in my account with which to use my debit card on the trip home, so I hope I won't have to. I'll have a little cash, as long as cash is accepted. No meals on the plane then! Maybe something at the airport? Hope so. Then I'll have to find money for Jesseca to send my stuff back, there's more than I can take on the plane. I hope I get a chance to grab some of what's at her house. I shall have to leave to Pope Francis image behind lest it become damaged in my bags. Damn, have to figure out my art supplies, probably leave that masonite in NY and I still never even got it gessoed.
My first night here was despondent. This is a place for men who have resigned themselves to having nowhere else to go. No, maybe that's presumptuous, I haven't spoken to many of them, and some do leave...but i don't know how. The plan was for me to stay here until DSS came through and I got a job, after which HUD would help me pay for a place to stay. I needed to check this place out first but they had an opening right away and I had to take it. Well, you can't get DSS if you're here. If you get a job you keep half your income - [you have to be out within thirty days, without having had the chance to build up any money to move out on. You can't apply for jobs online and we're located well away from anywhere (there is a bus but it's a journey). Essentially, you can't get a job if you're here and you can't leave if you don't have a job. Catch 22. The only thing I could do was reach out to my niece Lore. I have a plane ticket home on Saturday June 2nd. So I've wasted my own money, what little I had (gone), wasted Jesseca and Brian's money, wasted two months, and canceled my OHP and SNAP. If anything good did come out of this, I am blind as to what it might have been.
Ralph, my dorm-mate, has pointed me in the direction of a rather profound book, 'The Spirituality of Imperfection' by Ernest Kurtz and Katherine Ketcham, centered on the guiding principles of Alcoholics Anonymous. As I've mentioned before, I'm an atheist - I just don't have a sense that there's someone there. It doesn't add up with what I've seen in life. I'm open to possibilities, my life is still moving forward. I'd never been interested in AA enough to consider them, having put off by their well-known insistence on reliance on a higher power. What I've found is that (a) you don't need to hold a particular faith to find value in their precepts, and (b) you don't have to be an alcoholic either to find their approach to life a fundamentally healthy and helpful one. It's basically a primer on being human. The book sets forth an approach to life that I find is akin to the way have always tried to approach life - er, mostly, anyway, and in some cases unsuccessfully. It's that lack of success the book addresses...accepting that none of us are perfect, that life isn't something one masters but encounters on an ever unfolding basis. It is how we deal with those encounters that matter. It's not a test we pass or fail. It is ongoing. Spirituality (if you will) comes day by day. There is always something new. I know that Dana is interested in the bible. For me, for this point in m y life, that's way too specific for me. I don't want to get hung up on a faith whose central points are in conflict with my own beliefs (particularly on matters sexual and gender). For now I am content to see myself as spiritual. Given what I've seen of life, I can't say I particularly want to believe in a God. Many of His followers struggle with Him, and right now I can't see the comfort in that belief.
Naturally, I couldn't read the book without seeing myself reflected in it at points. My faults, the things that block me from moving forward (which seem unrelated to my grief over the loss of Dana's friendship). My addiction would be complacency and comfort. Maybe TV and movies, except that I'd love to utilize that somehow to make money - reviews, could I do that? Letting go of Dana doesn't seem to mean an end to feeling heartbroken, which a first surface reading of this book seems to confirm. I'll have to buy a copy for myself to re-read before the finer points sink in.
One of the fundamentals is telling one's stories, and listening. Ralph and I have been doing that. I've told the story of Dana before, just never to anyone who knows her. I never realized until now, I've also never told that story in person before, by mouth. I couldn't do it without crying.
Of Ralph, I'll only say that he's a good and decent man who endures. The rest is of course confidential.
You may recall that I drew the thorn rune at Easter (drawn on an Easter egg - color the egg to reveal the rune randomly drawn). Keep my head down, I am under the sign of chaos. Well, that hasn't ended yet. I had been wanting to ask Jesseca for a Tarot reading when I felt the time was right, and I was watching for that egg to leave her refrigerator. It never did. I wasn't going to eat it for superstitious reasons (also the only way I like eggs is scrambled, but I hate to see food go to waste). Turns out jesseca felt the same way. So when she deviled her and Brian's eggs, she wasn't about to internalize chaos. She handed it to me the day I came here and suggested I fling it as far from me as I could. I did, but the chaos has merely intensified. I won't be able to get my Tarot reading. The last (which was also my first) foretold my future as 'life in suspension', which it has been ever since. That was fresh out of high school.
I had hoped to discover more artistically with Jesseca, like helping her build a kiln we could both use. I also wanted to make my cashew butter pie for her heathen gathering. There's not going to be any kiln in Portland (or Hillsboro, which is where I'll be for the foreseeable future).
My life scares me. I genuinely wish it was over. But as I'm not going to kill myself, There's no way I'm sitting out my days where I am as i type this. That wasn't the plan, it's not what Jesseca brought me here for, and my very being rails against agreeing to give up in this particular fashion. It's get out of give up. New York didn't feel like home even if I might have made a better inroad with my art here. Hope I can find an audience on Etsy. Dammit, I wanted to produce enough drawings to try the gallery in Oswego.
<{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}>
June 3rd. I am home - sort of - in McMinnville Oregon as of early this morning. Still unpacking, still unwinding and settling in. Too tired to review and revise anything 've written above. Some of my stuff, including the Francis drawing and some art supplies/tablets are still in NY.
We have a white smoke sighting. Bob Walsh at the place I just left scanned the drawing for me and adjusted it in PhotoShop.
Funny, I've been surrounded by cats everywhere I go since I lost the house. They all take a liking to me, though, which is gratifying. I'm back now with Abby, Babygirl, Bailey, Chance, and Charlie They were all wary of me before but for Bailey. I've never had a cat groom my scalp before, Abby used to be afraid of me but is hanging around a lot and is starting to let me pet her. Only Charllie keeps his distance now.
Oh - my camera is in NY. The laptop I have with me doesn't take shots ads far as I've been able to figure out. Oh, well, anyway, I've worked out the pose for Mina. She will be walking forward, head up, engaging the viewer. Hand held forward. All that is important per attitude, exactly what Iwanted. I'd intended her raised hand to be more to the side, but it needs to at least somewhat follow her gaze...I want her engaging with thew fireflies, but with the audience as well. So. Still need to do a search on women in turtleneck sweaters.
Funny, I'd wanted to do a larger masonite board but out of impatience settled for the smaller one - and never even got it gessoed. Now it's back in NY untouched. Like, I got swatted down for rushing it? I've been wanting to do this for over half a year now!! Very little money left, will need it for food and clothing. No knowing how soon I can buy a board, gesso, and maybe some higher-quality artists crayons. Must ask Jesseca which kind she used on a couple of really vibrant pieces if her own I saw. For that matter, I have no paints to use either. I still want enamels rather than acrylics, though it will be more expensive and without the variety the image needs.
Kathy has a small print of Van Gogh irises which i put on the wall for inspiration. I've got a fitting Chagall image as my desktop image.
Eyes are going shut. I'm still on NY time, and it's nearly midnight there.
Monday, May 14, 2018
Almost There
8 in the morning, my shading started out just the least bit inconsistent, and that was okay for doing an old man's forehead mottling. I could have been more exact with the pellgrino but that might have distracted: that part of the pellgrino is the least important thing about the picture. Right now his face is what pulls your attention most, just as it should. Everything draws the viewers' eyes to the face.
21 hours. Barring any tweaking there's just the hand still to go. The individual bases of the fingers are hard to tell apart, not forward to that aspect.
I had to take the photo twice, the first time he literally had a cat hair in his mouth. (nuts, I only moved it to his sleeve.) See how the shading on the pellegrino balances the image? Leaving it blank Just the outline, no shading) would have been a nice artistic touch, I've seen that done by some of the artists that inspired me and I've done it myself, but the heavy shading of his other elbow necessitated giving that shoulder cape the full treatment.
I did tweak the shading on the chin, but just barely. It's enough, his skin now does not blur into his collar the way it did.
Still not as crisp as it ought to be when you zoom in. One of his shoulders fades out. Think I'll try playing with the camera settings again.
It's 8"x10" on quality paper, and you see by the progression just how much it took. How much do you think I should ask for this? How much I'll actually get is another matter, I have no idea what that might be... but what I mean is, do you think a lifetime's worth of skills should get at least minimum wage? People understandably do not want to pay by the hour for this kind of work, and I winder what a reasonable flat fee would be.
I was working on an image of an actress last year that came to being finished, I think it was at 18 hours in, and I believe that one to have been more labor-intensive and much more problematic in it's details. I should be able to increase my speed when I correct my work-station :posture, consistent lighting, printed reference, etc. Having a computer is a great help, I can zoom and play with contrast to see details better...but it slows me down having to look farther away from the page, readjust my focus all the time. This is the first drawing I've done entirely that way.
And the actress? Sharon Mitchell in a leather jacket. I hope to finish that one still, I have the ref on flash drive and I think the drawing is with the next batch Lore will send. I called her, she is waiting for he next payday. The only problem with the Mitchell is that I didn't rests my hand on a barrier and one edge of the paper yellowed a little. Maybe I can trim it. I had an edge trimmer for papers back home but I had to abandon it. I meant for it to go to Kevin and Katie along with other crafty off and ends, and I printed them out before I left. I hope they didn't get thrown out as trash.
Neither I nor Jesseca knows how much it will cost to have prints made of Pope Francis. I've not enough money left after I pay the phone this month, and I'll need to put what's left in my wallet into the account back home to pay AT&T. Oof. Hope that money from home comes through soon. They were expecting June or July but would have been this month if the estate hadn't been overcharged. How long will the refunds take?
[ ] O [ ] O [ ] O [ ] O [ ] O [ ] O [ ] O [ ] O [ ] O
I mentioned to Jesseca doing images from Tetsuo: The Iron Man (my review: http://sinistersimian.blogspot.com/2015/01/tetsuo-iron-man-shinya-tsukamoto-1989.html) and she thought it might be a good idea. I thought the audience would be too small but she says it's the niche markets that are thirsty for a market that hasn't been oversaturated. I don't do landscapes, everyone does still lifes...anything Shinya Tsukamoto hits that venn diagram sweet spot of cult interest and my own passions. There are three Tetsuos movies to work from (four, if you count Tsukamoto's experimental films prior to theatrical releases). I'd be even happier to do work from A Snake of June (http://sinistersimian.blogspot.com/2015/04/a-snake-of-june-shinya-tsukamoto-2002.html).
Tsukamoto does have a following, but not as large as the group who've only seen Tetsuo. I'd be happy to draw from all of his films... Tokyo Fist, Bullet Ballet, Gemini...I've done reviews for all of them except Kotoko and Nobi aka Fires on the Plain (still haven't seen Fires) but Snake is always my fave.
[O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O]
15 minutes, rough shading of the hand. Falling asleep because I slept too little. Might be from eating too, food puts me out like a knock-out drug but I've been doing better with that lately. Losing weight should help bring my numbers down. I hope someone back home finds which box my test strips are in, I would recognize what I labelled the box as if they have it. "Testing" or something like that.
(outside for a while)
One of the things I like about the Mitchell piece is that her hair seems to me a touch stylistic. I want to do more like that, move more of my work in that direction. When does a flourish add to a piece and when is it out of place? I think that if it works, if it adds a flavor that meshes, then it isn't an addition but an integral part of the whole. It's not a flourish anymore.
I also like the leather jacket. After many false starts, visual gibberish, and a ton of erasing it really did finally come to be a leather jacket.
Pope Francis and Sharon Mitchell both in the same post and both treated with respect and admiration. Never thought you'd see that, didja?
Blogger.com is not set up to mark individual posts here as NSFW, so I would have to crop the picture. Show you her hair but not much of the jacket. It's been almost half a year since I posted to a different blog that's NSFW, though the Mitchell drawing was the only image on it with nudity. It's the only one I've ever done with nudity...damn, so much time wasted, one of my favorite subjects and I never did a drawing?
Here's a different example, from when I began the drawing for Scott. I am further along than this but don't have a photo on my flash drives any further along. This is the kind of thing I've been talking about, getting a feel for the textures and the way they fold as they hang on a body. Feel the material, feel the way it moves.
That's from a much larger tablet, that one brother alone is a roughly the size of the Francis image. The picture is of four brothers in front of their boat. I have two of the brothers done and much of the boat. You see the initial tracing for coordination, while the trace marks for the second brother have been erased almost entirely as I was about to begin drawing him. The background should hardly be there at all in the final picture, more indicated than drawn. We'll see. I hope to have it in a couple of weeks so i can start in again. It became impossible to work on it much at home.
This is the fluid kind of work I can do, that I really love to see in my own work.
Below is Sharon. You can see the shading trail off where I was still working her sleeve. I really like what was going on with her hair.
@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@
Almost there, hands partly done. 22 and a quarter hours.
21 hours. Barring any tweaking there's just the hand still to go. The individual bases of the fingers are hard to tell apart, not forward to that aspect.
I had to take the photo twice, the first time he literally had a cat hair in his mouth. (nuts, I only moved it to his sleeve.) See how the shading on the pellegrino balances the image? Leaving it blank Just the outline, no shading) would have been a nice artistic touch, I've seen that done by some of the artists that inspired me and I've done it myself, but the heavy shading of his other elbow necessitated giving that shoulder cape the full treatment.
I did tweak the shading on the chin, but just barely. It's enough, his skin now does not blur into his collar the way it did.
Still not as crisp as it ought to be when you zoom in. One of his shoulders fades out. Think I'll try playing with the camera settings again.
It's 8"x10" on quality paper, and you see by the progression just how much it took. How much do you think I should ask for this? How much I'll actually get is another matter, I have no idea what that might be... but what I mean is, do you think a lifetime's worth of skills should get at least minimum wage? People understandably do not want to pay by the hour for this kind of work, and I winder what a reasonable flat fee would be.
I was working on an image of an actress last year that came to being finished, I think it was at 18 hours in, and I believe that one to have been more labor-intensive and much more problematic in it's details. I should be able to increase my speed when I correct my work-station :posture, consistent lighting, printed reference, etc. Having a computer is a great help, I can zoom and play with contrast to see details better...but it slows me down having to look farther away from the page, readjust my focus all the time. This is the first drawing I've done entirely that way.
And the actress? Sharon Mitchell in a leather jacket. I hope to finish that one still, I have the ref on flash drive and I think the drawing is with the next batch Lore will send. I called her, she is waiting for he next payday. The only problem with the Mitchell is that I didn't rests my hand on a barrier and one edge of the paper yellowed a little. Maybe I can trim it. I had an edge trimmer for papers back home but I had to abandon it. I meant for it to go to Kevin and Katie along with other crafty off and ends, and I printed them out before I left. I hope they didn't get thrown out as trash.
Neither I nor Jesseca knows how much it will cost to have prints made of Pope Francis. I've not enough money left after I pay the phone this month, and I'll need to put what's left in my wallet into the account back home to pay AT&T. Oof. Hope that money from home comes through soon. They were expecting June or July but would have been this month if the estate hadn't been overcharged. How long will the refunds take?
[ ] O [ ] O [ ] O [ ] O [ ] O [ ] O [ ] O [ ] O [ ] O
I mentioned to Jesseca doing images from Tetsuo: The Iron Man (my review: http://sinistersimian.blogspot.com/2015/01/tetsuo-iron-man-shinya-tsukamoto-1989.html) and she thought it might be a good idea. I thought the audience would be too small but she says it's the niche markets that are thirsty for a market that hasn't been oversaturated. I don't do landscapes, everyone does still lifes...anything Shinya Tsukamoto hits that venn diagram sweet spot of cult interest and my own passions. There are three Tetsuos movies to work from (four, if you count Tsukamoto's experimental films prior to theatrical releases). I'd be even happier to do work from A Snake of June (http://sinistersimian.blogspot.com/2015/04/a-snake-of-june-shinya-tsukamoto-2002.html).
Tsukamoto does have a following, but not as large as the group who've only seen Tetsuo. I'd be happy to draw from all of his films... Tokyo Fist, Bullet Ballet, Gemini...I've done reviews for all of them except Kotoko and Nobi aka Fires on the Plain (still haven't seen Fires) but Snake is always my fave.
[O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O] [O]
15 minutes, rough shading of the hand. Falling asleep because I slept too little. Might be from eating too, food puts me out like a knock-out drug but I've been doing better with that lately. Losing weight should help bring my numbers down. I hope someone back home finds which box my test strips are in, I would recognize what I labelled the box as if they have it. "Testing" or something like that.
(outside for a while)
One of the things I like about the Mitchell piece is that her hair seems to me a touch stylistic. I want to do more like that, move more of my work in that direction. When does a flourish add to a piece and when is it out of place? I think that if it works, if it adds a flavor that meshes, then it isn't an addition but an integral part of the whole. It's not a flourish anymore.
I also like the leather jacket. After many false starts, visual gibberish, and a ton of erasing it really did finally come to be a leather jacket.
Pope Francis and Sharon Mitchell both in the same post and both treated with respect and admiration. Never thought you'd see that, didja?
Blogger.com is not set up to mark individual posts here as NSFW, so I would have to crop the picture. Show you her hair but not much of the jacket. It's been almost half a year since I posted to a different blog that's NSFW, though the Mitchell drawing was the only image on it with nudity. It's the only one I've ever done with nudity...damn, so much time wasted, one of my favorite subjects and I never did a drawing?
Here's a different example, from when I began the drawing for Scott. I am further along than this but don't have a photo on my flash drives any further along. This is the kind of thing I've been talking about, getting a feel for the textures and the way they fold as they hang on a body. Feel the material, feel the way it moves.
That's from a much larger tablet, that one brother alone is a roughly the size of the Francis image. The picture is of four brothers in front of their boat. I have two of the brothers done and much of the boat. You see the initial tracing for coordination, while the trace marks for the second brother have been erased almost entirely as I was about to begin drawing him. The background should hardly be there at all in the final picture, more indicated than drawn. We'll see. I hope to have it in a couple of weeks so i can start in again. It became impossible to work on it much at home.
This is the fluid kind of work I can do, that I really love to see in my own work.
Below is Sharon. You can see the shading trail off where I was still working her sleeve. I really like what was going on with her hair.
@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@
Almost there, hands partly done. 22 and a quarter hours.
Sunday, May 13, 2018
Edgy, or Tips on Pencils
May 13th
I heard Jesseca pounding stakes into the spot where the Oak was transplanted so that it will have re-enforcement to stand until it takes root and the soil around it repacks. I never know when to go out and offer help...gardening is one of her passions, so it's often her alone-time. I sit here drawing, it's the same thing. I wouldn't want anyone to help me draw even if there was something for them to do.
(Oh, I guess it was the birch tree she was planting instead.)
I just snapped the lead on the .3mm pencil I was using. That happens a lot, this stuff is so thin and brittle. You'd say it's a pecil that's all point - I always say it's all point. That's not true though. Think of a wooden dowel. If it's just been sawn it may have a crisp edge to the ends. Sand them down and the're a little rounded. .3mm isn't very large but if you look at it under a microscope you'll see that it has volume. That end may be harsh or it may be soft. When I'm using it for smooth shading I want it soft. Best yet if I can keep the tip from leaving the surface of the paper at all. That's the trick to leaving an unbroken field instead of scribbly marks. If the tip isn't a little rounded your shading is going to be darker than you want. Practicing how much pressure you use is another factor, but I want to warn you about the harshness of the tip itself. Like I said, I just broke the one I was using. A couple of clicks on the pencil and it feeds me more, but now it's got that crisp edge to it now. If I am shading and go from using a worn tip to a freshly broken one in the middle of a field I'm going to have a noticeable difference that will have to be corrected before I can continue. It will have to be erased and redrawn. Worse than just producing dark lines, it may dig a physical scar in the surface of the page. Those are hard to hide - hard to erase, harder or impossible to fill with the correct tone once you've erased. What you need is a bit of scrap paper handy. Do a short scribble on it to knock that edge back off the tip, or use the new tip elsewhere where there's a spot you really do want a crisp line. If you can see minute details (and why else would you be using a mech with such a fine point?), you'll notice the tipe broke at an angle. rotate the pencil so the the flat of the diagonal is parallel to the paper.
Erasers: you'll want to take the cap off the clicky end of the pencil so that you can use the eraser. ALWAYS put the cap right back on after, IMMEDIATELY, because using that eraser is a habit you'll perform without even looking. You'll remove the cap only to discover the cap was already off and you've just taken out the eraser. Oops, too late, all that lead has just spilled out of your pencil. Some of your lead fillers/pellets have snapped, more are likely to as you go on a treasure hunt to find them all. Have several erasers of your choice next to you, like those pink erasers. You can use them to dab at shaded fields to sorta 'ghost' them a touch. It will be inconsistent but lends a nice watercolory feel. You can go with that or touch up it up with pencil to even it out a bit, but it's good to do if your shaded patch has a border that's more defined than you want it to be or you've gone just a tad too dark.
Also, you'll need clean erasers of that kind to clean up the negative space as you go and when you finish. I've been using a barrier (practice safe drawing, kids) between my hand and the page, on areas where I did the lightest work with hard leads, and still it has smeared the paper a but and left it kinda sooty or smoggy. Now it looks pristine again and the image really pops.
@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/@/
Well...umff. I dunno. 20 hours, I'm getting the work in but that's not the same as getting it done. My work is off today. Smooth but not smooth enough, light but not light enough. Working the pellegrino, and so far the shading just looks ugly to me. The shades on paper are not becoming cloth that hangs on a body, just marks on paper. Maybe I'll feel it better after I've been away from it some hours. Feel I've nearly made a hash of that side. I've ghosted it with an eraser, and I've used my fingertip to smear it a little, as much as I dare. That's a trick I used to use a lot, these days I try to avoid it. Not telling you not to, though, use every tool you can and see what works. Just make sure your fingertips are clean as you don't want oil, pencil residue, or anything else dirtying the paper. The 'anything else' might introduce a color stain that'll never come out!
At first glance you wouldn't notice that I'd added anything. Well, that's better than having a glaring error. I did knock the tone just a little more, just now, so I'm a little more okay with it. It makes me wonder whether I shouldn't have omitted some of the shading. That's one of the editing choices one makes. Hmm. There's some more to go, they will probably give the flow that's needed...or...there';s one fold I could remove, taking a risk on how that will affect the others. Okay, leaving that side too blank would cause an imbalance toward the image's other side, with nothing to counter the sleeve and elbow. Plus it's still light enough that it doesn't distract, even looks nearly blank until you look right at it. As cloth goes it is unquestionably white and clean.
Better study the photo again, I suspect the tones under the chin may need deepening to match those under the nose and nasolabial folds. Chis doesn't look fully dimensional to me the way it is. Uh-huh, which should probably mean to do that whether the photo indicates it or not - the drawing demands it. Put the finished image ahead of the reference. I should have added a highlight to the left eye even though there isn't one in the photo.
Yeah, I don't think I'll take a picture of it tonight. I hate to chalk that up as a day's work but that's where it is, been at it for some hours on and off. Quarter after four, and I'll try to put it away for awhile. The seas are in turmoil under the surface.
Look at that smile on his face! I almost feel as if he's encouraging me. Alas it's not enough to settle my current feelings.
First Mother's Day Since
Oh. damn. That was appropriate. Jesseca and Brian went for a walk along the trails out back and brought back a couple of young trees to transplant. One is a nice Oak. I didn't do much but did get out there in time to help a little, first tree planted. I was sending it vibes and visualizations of roots reaching out, the vast resource of the Earth beneath it, reaching up, seeing it cycle through the branches and leaves, a cycle the tree will be a part of, strong and thriving, nurturing. Does it help? Does it work? Hell if I know, but trees do have psychic links all their own. Don't scoff, it's been studied. Look it up. I did that with two trees and a bush at home (unhappy sigh) that were dying, and they flourished. I had to leave them behind, of course.
Mom had been concerned about them and was happy they lived. I was trying not to think too much about that as we were replanting this tree.
I just realized it's Mother's Day. The first since. I think this Oak will make it. If it doesn't I don't wanna know. If the new owners back home rip out all the trees and bushes, I don't want to know that either.
Dana said this can be got through. She spoke from personal experience. I wish I could talk with her, bot for my sake and for hers. Not about us, just...about getting by. Just as friends. I wish she trusted me with her story. She knows I'd listen, and she knows I'd hear it.
Hopefully I'll work on Pope Francis today but if I do it will be because I force myself. Which I damn well should, I know it. It's necessary, it's money. For art's sake I'm not feeling it, which can't play a factor on this. I have to put that away. If I were established then maybe I could take a day or so aside. So close. Just a day or so. Pellgrino will be easy and must be done in the brightest light for the delicacy of the shading. Hand should be teased out the way I did the face and forehead (which also isn't finished yet).
Mom had been concerned about them and was happy they lived. I was trying not to think too much about that as we were replanting this tree.
I just realized it's Mother's Day. The first since. I think this Oak will make it. If it doesn't I don't wanna know. If the new owners back home rip out all the trees and bushes, I don't want to know that either.
Dana said this can be got through. She spoke from personal experience. I wish I could talk with her, bot for my sake and for hers. Not about us, just...about getting by. Just as friends. I wish she trusted me with her story. She knows I'd listen, and she knows I'd hear it.
Hopefully I'll work on Pope Francis today but if I do it will be because I force myself. Which I damn well should, I know it. It's necessary, it's money. For art's sake I'm not feeling it, which can't play a factor on this. I have to put that away. If I were established then maybe I could take a day or so aside. So close. Just a day or so. Pellgrino will be easy and must be done in the brightest light for the delicacy of the shading. Hand should be teased out the way I did the face and forehead (which also isn't finished yet).
Saturday, May 12, 2018
Francis at 18 and a half
I've decided that I want to die in a tragic drawing accident. That way people can say "He died doing what he loved. He knew the risks."
17 and a quarter hours in. Oops, that's not a smudge in the lower right corner, just a shadow. I keep forgetting I'll have to finish the other half of the pellegrina.
My back is telling me that posture is an issue too, though I can't say it wasn't the same at home sometimes. Depends on the chair I'm in and the height of the work surface. Right now I'm drawing on one end of a standing food tray (my source is onscreen at the other end of the tray) and I'm sitting in a rocking chair. That makes it harder to work for several hours straight through as I've done before. Sounds like excuse-making but it's true. If I've enough money soon I want to send for my art table as mentioned before but also the chair that goes with it. If I'm still at Jesseca's that will mean the room will be crowded and a little hard to navigate. I should wait until I've moved into a new place. DSS hasn't approved me yet and I'm still having tom pass some hurdles. If they do approve me it'll still be a month and a half - wait, did I already post all this?? I hope Jesseca and Brian can put up with me if it's that long. There's the other place, which sounds mostly ideal, but we've not checked them out yet and there will surely be a waiting list. I hope there's wifi, I need the access.
I've roughly shaded in the lower jaw, which I think is a bit too wide. No fixing that now. I go in light and build the intensity of the shading. Once I'm sure the shapes are right I go in again and carefully darken things little by little and smooth out rough scribble lines. Those mostly disappear as I add lead around them. After that it's on to his forehead and left temple. It's almost 2 in the afternoon and an overcast day. If the light holds I can finish his head today barring corrections. Little over a week since I began, isn't it? I think? With one day of no work on it at all, and only a few hours each day. Make this a habit, be able to stay in/find the zone each day, get consistent lighting...I can cut the time it takes to under a week, or better. Can't say that about any medium I'm less familiar and comfortable with, but drawing I know.
He's recognizable, anyway, and his abundant good cheer and warmth come through. I like many if the textures, some of the details like the ears and the wisps of hair.
<{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}>
Three o'clock, last bit my hand was being much more sketchy than I should continue with. Still, close, might get there yet tonight. Do you see what I'm doing below with the forehead, the faint sketching? Because I have to explore the shapes to find their definitions, because the shading shifts subtly, I don't have a clearly defined field and tone. So instead of just filling in, I'm building it up from light markings. Increase the darkness as needed, then smooth things out later. Once I'm sure the shapes and shifts are right, see how it looks in context and decide if it's dark enough. If it isn't it may be necessary to switch to a softer lead.
Don't use your harder leads for anything dark. Don't press too hard on the paper, if you can see the pencil making an impression on the paper you're stressing the page too much. At worst you're going to tear up the surface. You might also cause the surface to buckle like waves. I've made both of those errors before.
18:30 in. Feeling the first twinge of a possible headache. Haven't been having that problem, a good sign.
Is anyone reading this? I hope someone is finding it useful! I wonder what it would be like to teach a class in drawing. I might enjoy that.
17 and a quarter hours in. Oops, that's not a smudge in the lower right corner, just a shadow. I keep forgetting I'll have to finish the other half of the pellegrina.
My back is telling me that posture is an issue too, though I can't say it wasn't the same at home sometimes. Depends on the chair I'm in and the height of the work surface. Right now I'm drawing on one end of a standing food tray (my source is onscreen at the other end of the tray) and I'm sitting in a rocking chair. That makes it harder to work for several hours straight through as I've done before. Sounds like excuse-making but it's true. If I've enough money soon I want to send for my art table as mentioned before but also the chair that goes with it. If I'm still at Jesseca's that will mean the room will be crowded and a little hard to navigate. I should wait until I've moved into a new place. DSS hasn't approved me yet and I'm still having tom pass some hurdles. If they do approve me it'll still be a month and a half - wait, did I already post all this?? I hope Jesseca and Brian can put up with me if it's that long. There's the other place, which sounds mostly ideal, but we've not checked them out yet and there will surely be a waiting list. I hope there's wifi, I need the access.
I've roughly shaded in the lower jaw, which I think is a bit too wide. No fixing that now. I go in light and build the intensity of the shading. Once I'm sure the shapes are right I go in again and carefully darken things little by little and smooth out rough scribble lines. Those mostly disappear as I add lead around them. After that it's on to his forehead and left temple. It's almost 2 in the afternoon and an overcast day. If the light holds I can finish his head today barring corrections. Little over a week since I began, isn't it? I think? With one day of no work on it at all, and only a few hours each day. Make this a habit, be able to stay in/find the zone each day, get consistent lighting...I can cut the time it takes to under a week, or better. Can't say that about any medium I'm less familiar and comfortable with, but drawing I know.
He's recognizable, anyway, and his abundant good cheer and warmth come through. I like many if the textures, some of the details like the ears and the wisps of hair.
<{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}><{}>
Three o'clock, last bit my hand was being much more sketchy than I should continue with. Still, close, might get there yet tonight. Do you see what I'm doing below with the forehead, the faint sketching? Because I have to explore the shapes to find their definitions, because the shading shifts subtly, I don't have a clearly defined field and tone. So instead of just filling in, I'm building it up from light markings. Increase the darkness as needed, then smooth things out later. Once I'm sure the shapes and shifts are right, see how it looks in context and decide if it's dark enough. If it isn't it may be necessary to switch to a softer lead.
Don't use your harder leads for anything dark. Don't press too hard on the paper, if you can see the pencil making an impression on the paper you're stressing the page too much. At worst you're going to tear up the surface. You might also cause the surface to buckle like waves. I've made both of those errors before.
18:30 in. Feeling the first twinge of a possible headache. Haven't been having that problem, a good sign.
Is anyone reading this? I hope someone is finding it useful! I wonder what it would be like to teach a class in drawing. I might enjoy that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)